What a year for NBA fans. Just when we thought a lockout would ruin everything, the 2012 season came along and slapped us with memories. We got a botched Chris Paul trade, a skinny Charles Barkley, a successful Chris Paul trade, the advent of back-to-back-to-backs, the Lin-everything craze and the winning smile of a kind hearted soul named Metta World Peace. How could 2013 possibly top that?
Sports writers will find a way. Here’s what we can look forward to going into next season:
- The Knicks fail to match any offer sheet given to Jeremy Lin, opting instead to grant Allen Iverson’s wish and bring him out of retirement. James Dolan thinks the move warrants a long-term, big money contract.
- Rajon Rondo narrowly misses becoming the first player in nearly 20 years to record a quadruple double when he scores only 9 points to go with 10+ rebounds, assists and steals.
- Like so many celebrity athletes before him, Lebron James finally embraces the inevitable and shaves his head. He keeps rockin the headband, though. Mostly because the shape of his skull reminds him of his own mortality.
- The Orlando Magic’s new GM attempts to solve his biggest personal issues in one fell swoop, allowing Dwight Howard to hire a new head coach. Howard’s choice? Himself, doing a Stan Van Gundy impression.
- Blake Griffin narrowly misses claiming the honor #DunkoftheCentury when he accidentally jumps over the backboard.
- In an effort to galvanize their new fan base, the Brooklyn Nets commission a hologram Biggie Smalls to sit courtside. Biggie proceeds to taunt the Visitors’ bench with a streetwise braggadocio that really masks his own inextinguishable romanticism.
- The Blazers’ fortunes take a turn for the better when owner Paul Allen finally makes amends to the gypsy who cursed the team a decade ago. Consequently, most of the roster to actually able finish the season without legal troubles or career-threatening injury. The gypsy who cursed his Seattle Seahawks will remain unappeased.
- Three time scoring champion Kevin Durant returns from the London Olympics a big time anglophile. It mostly goes unnoticed; however, he does affect a British accent for the duration of the season.
- The Kings stay put in Sacramento when the star potential of DeMarcus Cousins proves strong enough to oust the Maloof brothers as owners of the franchise. Ironically, when the NBA takes control of the team, Donald Stern trades Cousins to the Hornets for the rights to Anthony Davis and a bag of magic beans.
- After witnessing the relatively successful playoff runs of the Celtics and Spurs, the Lakers surround Kobe Bryant with veterans Steve Nash, Marcus Camby, Rip Hamilton and Antawn Jamison to make their own old-timer push for the championship. Staples Center smells like liniment well into 2014.